I thought I write down some thoughts at the last day of 2019. It doesn’t feel real. In the end it is just an other day tomorrow, but every other day means a new beginning. I am grateful for each morning I wake up, having my shit together, be able to move my physical body and I usually smile in the first 15 minutes of my day. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head and food in my tummy and I am even more grateful that I can do work that truly feels like have been born to do that. Every single person who comes to my class, seeks advice, wants a hug or just smiles at me is a gift. I appreciate each and every soul. I am enormously grateful for all the amazing beings I have met in the journey of my life and even if there is no we anymore, I know there was a bond once and a thank you for that. I feel deep gratitude for my loving mum and that she always support me, even with this idea of becoming a yoga teacher and I thank all my friends who believed in me and also those who said „do not do it, you will be unemployed“ and then said, Julia we are proud you made it. I wouldn’t said I made it. It is just the beginning, like every day. Getting up and knowing we change the world one step after the other. In the last 2 years I also became more outspoken about a plant based diet. It honestly doesn’t make sense to me to support cruelty and harm in our modern times in the places most of us live in. On the one hand I am wondering why I became so loud about it, the same me that said 8 years ago when I had my first vegan friends in Hanover, that is a bit extreme. But change needs extreme. Rosa Parks was seen as extreme. We have a voice and we should use it. We can make a change one meal at a time, for your karma, for your health and for the planet.
Just a month ago I was sitting there with a broken heart. Being in the illusion of a perfect relationship and then standing there literally in the middle of the night all alone. No warnings. Just someone who did not want to continue his journey in life with me, one day to the other. I was most shocked about the abrupt ending than about the end of a love affair. Those things happen. But I believe a lot of pain would have been avoided on both sides when we get more vulnerable and talk about our feelings. If you engage in a relationship, make sure you are ready to do that. It is part of the deal, and yes, men are also allowed to have feelings and emotions.
Now I am sitting here in the big house of my friend. Wondering if I will ever have a home like this, asking myself at the same time if I really need it. Leaving for my next yoga adventure in just a few days, feeling ready to be in nature, to be with myself, to spiritually, physically and emotionally detox and listen what is there next. Being scared of not having the answer. Being grateful for not needing one. You might wonder, can she make up her mind? But that is life, we want one thing the one day and an other the next. Some things are ment to stay and some will just be there for an episode of our lives. Knowing deep inside me that security is an illusion and that every breath can be the beginning of something new or the end. I feel I am ready for that big adventure that is to come. My intention for 2020 is trust. Trust that everything will be ok, that I will come back to the city I love and beautiful souls are still joining my classes. That I will find a new home and can go on that dream roadtrip to Lofoten. Trust that everything comes to it’s time. Trust that the Universe will guide me in the right direction, as it so often did in my life. Trust in me and my capabilities as a new yoga teacher, as a loyal friend and an honest lover. Trust in love. Just trust.